What Parents Say About their Home Design to Help Kids Stay Calm

Most people think of a child’s emotional development as something shaped by parenting style or personality. Yet, there’s a quieter powerful influence shaping children’s emotional development: the home environment that surrounds them every day. The self-regulation feedback loop in Figure 1 shows how a child notices and thinks about their own thoughts, feelings, and actions, and then makes changes based on their personal goals and outside influences—like feedback from parents or the home environment.

Figure 1. The Self-regulation Feedback Loop (Carver & Scheier, 1998)

In a recent study, we asked a simple but powerful question: How do parents think their home spaces affect their children’s self-regulation?

For those unfamiliar with the term, self-regulation refers to a child’s ability to manage emotions, stay focused, and behave in ways that are socially and emotionally appropriate. It’s what helps a child pause before interrupting, calm down after disappointment, or concentrate on a task when distracted.

While we often focus on parenting techniques or school programs to help children build this skill, our study (Bagais et al., 2024) explored something much more tangible and designable in the residential environment.

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A Home That Teaches Emotional Balance

Through in-depth interviews with parents, we identified 15 key environmental factors that influence children's ability to self-regulate. These insights were organized into four main categories: how the physical space supports calm behavior, how emotional connections are fostered between adults and children within those spaces, what elements in the home environment tend to overwhelm or disrupt children, and what design strategies families are already using to promote emotional regulation. What stood out most was how intuitively parents understood the connection between their home’s setup and their children’s emotional well-being. Parents described how their children used furniture, lighting, routines, and private spaces to manage emotions and recover from stress, highlighting the powerful role of thoughtful home design in nurturing emotional balance.

Space That Regulates

Some of the most memorable examples came from parents describing how their children sought out specific places in the home to calm down. One mother mentioned her daughter’s favorite retreat:

“She sits in the hanging egg chair in the sunroom if she is angry or upset, and just relaxes.”

Another parent described how their child would wrap themselves in a weighted blanket and lie on the couch to self-soothe after overstimulation.

These weren’t time-outs or punishments. They were child-directed emotional responses—and the physical space made them possible.

Design-wise, these moments underline the power of intentional zones within the home: spaces that are quiet, softly lit, ergonomically suitable, and physically safe for emotional recovery. Whether it’s a tucked-away tent, a reading nook, or a porch swing, these pockets give children autonomy and support at once.

Emotion Happens in Relationship—and in Space

Homes aren’t just physical structures, they’re places of connection. Our study also highlighted how parents use the environment to co-regulate with their children—offering calm words, touch, or presence when a child is upset.

Design and architects should note that emotional support doesn’t only happen on the inside. Parents described meaningful interactions that occurred in shared spaces like patios, living rooms, and even under a bunk bed canopy. These environments facilitated closeness and calm, not just privacy.

One parent summed it up as:

“I think it's also me modeling the behavior. If I'm yelling, that doesn't help him calm down.”

In other words, the room doesn’t do all the work—but it sets the stage for better interactions.

When Space Works Against Regulation

Just as homes can support calm, they can also unintentionally create stress. Parents identified several environmental stressors that made it harder for their children to regulate emotions—like loud TVs, clutter, cramped spaces, or chaotic visual noise.

“It’s harder for her to calm down when there’s a lot going on—TV on, people talking, things everywhere.”

This doesn’t mean homes need to be silent or minimalist. But it suggests that predictability, moderation, and visual rhythm can offer children a better chance at emotional balance.

These insights have strong implications for residential design. For example, open layouts can be stimulating without buffering zones. Bright colors or overstimulating wall art can overwhelm children trying to concentrate. A lack of flexible spaces means kids may not have anywhere to retreat when feelings get big.

What Parents Are Already Doing

While professional design support can be valuable, many parents have already taken creative steps to shape emotionally supportive home environments—demonstrating the powerful, often overlooked potential of family-led design. Without formal training, they’ve built spaces that help children regulate emotions and recover from stress. These include outdoor play areas like sand pits for sensory regulation (picture 1), cozy “calm-down corners” with soft pillows and fidget toys (picture 2), and outdoor retreats that foster family co-regulation (picture 3). Inside the home, parents have organized functional spaces to support predictable routines, such as a well-structured living room (picture 4), and created child-friendly learning areas with natural textures and gentle lighting to reduce overstimulation (picture 5). Some families have even transformed tents or closets into quiet nooks with light, music, or books for emotional recovery (picture 6). These thoughtful adaptations reflect a quieter but equally powerful force shaping children’s emotional development—the home environment that surrounds them every day.

One family described how their daughter uses a small tent in her room to wind down independently. Another said that a simple visual calendar made transitions easier and less emotionally taxing for their son.

These are not luxury designs—they’re functional, emotionally intelligent interventions using what’s already available in the home.

What Design Students Can Learn

If you’re studying interior, architectural, or environmental design, our research offers something important: a reminder that homes don’t just house bodies—they shape emotional and physical development.

Spaces that allow for withdrawal and re-entry, create predictable routines, support quiet connection between people, and minimize emotional overstimulation can help children build lifelong regulation skills. And because these design features don’t require high-tech solutions or expensive materials, they’re accessible—and scalable. This also raises a larger challenge: how might residential design better reflect the emotional needs of children, not just their safety and education?

Final Thoughts: Designing for Development

One parent in our study said something that stuck:

“The environment doesn’t just affect their behavior—it’s part of how they learn to be in the world.”

That simple truth reframes the role of home. It’s not just shelter. It’s a teacher. A model. A mirror.

Designers, parents, educators—all of us—have a role in shaping these spaces. The good news is, it doesn’t take a major renovation. Sometimes it’s as small as a cozy corner with a blanket, or a moment of quiet in a sand box. Those small choices when built into the rhythm of daily life can make all the difference in how a child learns to manage emotions.

Reference

Bagais, R., Pati, D., & Guerrero, L. (2024). The parental perspective of residential environments associated with children’s self-regulation. Journal of Environmental Psychology, 100, 102467. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jenvp.2024.102467

Carver, C. S., & Scheier, M. F. (1998). On the self-regulation of behavior. New York: Cambridge University Press.